What A Day
September 9, 2011 § Leave a comment
yesterday was a day.
It started out with me killing a big beetle in my living room.
Yeah…bugs are a trigger for me.
A big trigger.
That started a day full of anxiety, crippling anxiety.
First it was raining cats and dogs all morning. I was anxious that my mom wasn’t gonna come over. I tried desperately to calm that anxious little voice inside of me…but it didn’t work. I called and she calmed my fears.
Then, my mom came over insisting we go out.
I was hesitant cause it was raining. Monkey doesnt have a raincoat and Diva..well she was fine in her car seat. I was anxious that getting them wet would make them sick.
My mom convinced me it was drizzling out only and we left.
We got into the car and I freaked.
I felt this unbelievable urge to get out the car and go back upstairs. It was raining harder than my mom had said.
We needed to go back inside, cause..well…you know rain will melt us apparently.
Yes….I am making fun of myself. Its how I deal.
Anyhow, after much convincing from my mother … we drove away.
She kept “saying let me drive. ”
My response? “Nope. I gotta get over this.”
As we were driving she kept asking me what I was feeling. I would tell her but then she would respond: “You just gotta trust God.”
Thanks ma, cause I wasn’t thinking about that at all.
Anyhow, as we were driving it started to rain harder.
And I mean – you cant see the hood in front of your car harder.
I was on the verge of tears. But I kept driving. I told my mom: “When we get to COSTCO, I’ll drop you and monkey off…but I’m staying in the car.”
“No, Jessica. You need to get out of this car. I will drop you off. You will be fine.”
We pulled into the parking lot….and I kept driving around. I couldn’t bring myself to the front door. “Jessica, you know it would be better if I drop you off at the front door.” “I know ma, I am just waiting til the rain tapers off”.
No, I was trying to stall. I was hoping that she would give up and say to drop her off at the door.
It didn’t work. Thank God for my mother.
I finally had enough…and I pulled up to the front door…and got out!
Course I was soaking wet…but I got out of the car!!
Anyhow, one hurdle jumped right? Well, there was the next one. Baking.
Yesterday was Mr. Man’s birthday. I promised him I would bake a cake.
After much stalling … I did it!
Sigh. Thank you Jesus. I am on the way