And then…

September 7, 2011 § 2 Comments

Been a trying coupla days.

Diva screaming all day unless she’s in your arms.

I have been so stressed…I can’t even write something. Pardon me while i ramble.

I tried getting off the Zoloft once…thought I was doing well enough. Don’t know what I was thinking. I’ve only been on those meds for a coupla weeks.

Anyhow, that lasted all of 2hrs. Shocker right?

Man, this girl screams so loud I have a constant headache. Course she only starts after my mother leaves. And she screams unless shes in my arms or the baby bjorn thing. I am really starting to like that more than my moby wrap.

These are the days that makes me wonder why I wanted to be a mom again.

You know what?

People keep asking me if I want more.

Uhhh…..am I not complaining enough for ya’ll??

Lets put it this way…if Diva was born first; she woulda been an only child. That hurts cuz then there would be no monkeyman, but I guess God knew that right?

Seriously, this girl is annoying. Yeah….I said it, can’t believe I said it – but I did.

Days like this makes me wanna run away. Man…I hate that I wrote that. Twice.

And I thought I was doing so well. Hmm….guess I need to accept that this is gonna take longer than I thought. At least, I’ve been writing in my journal.

Thank God that I bought that thing.

But its hard to find the time to even do that. Diva screaming….Monkey pulling at me for attention.

Do you know how hard it is to play with a 21month old while wearing a chunky 7wk old?

There are times when I can play with monkey alone…but its few and far between. I am so grateful for my mom coming over to help.

Well, in that perspective I am getting better. My mom I mean.

I was relying on her for everything (cooking, cleaning etc). Now, I’ve been doing more. I want to do more. No longer do I want to hide under my covers.

I guess that is some progress right?

I just gotta get a handle on two screaming kids.

No biggie right?

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§ 2 Responses to And then…

  • katery says:

    well, you’re not alone, i’ve been in the same place. hopefully she will stop crying so much soon, that definitely helps a lot. it can be SO hard to listen to a baby crying all the time.

  • Courtney C says:

    When Grace would cry as a little baby it really just sent me over the edge…not in the “oh I must comfort you” way, in the “oh my gosh it’s like you’re poking my brain with a cattle prod why won’t you just shut up!?” way. I know it is hard for any mother to listen to a crying baby, but with PPD I think it takes that up several notches.

    And little things like noticing how you can handle a bit more than you could a few weeks ago is of such value! I remember feeling pride in myself when I started cooking again. To someone who hasn’t gone through depression it can seem like a silly thing, but it really is a sign to yourself that healing is taking place.

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