Support – where is it?
August 30, 2011 § 8 Comments
I was told – why do you need medicine? You don’t need medicine to make you feel better. You just need to pray more.
Where is my support?
So, I believed them and started taking St. John’s Wort. It helped for a little…then I started to realize – it wasn’t.
I was arguing just as much with Mr. Man, I was anxious all the time…it wasn’t helping. I felt like I wasn’t taking anything.
So I started taking my Zoloft again.
To which the response was: you should wait longer. Take your St. John’s Wort for like a month and see.
Really? Ya’ll want me to do this and stay suffering?
Where is my support?
I feel like there is such a shame with taking medicine for this.
I have Postpartum Depression – I’m not psychotic.
But I am apart of that group too. The group who doesn’t believe I really have PPD. I mean… hello? I am listening to them.
I am the one believing them, thinking that this is all in my head. Well, that was until yesterday.
yesterday I was on the great blog: Postpartum Progress; and I found this entry:
I was hysterical crying, cause this was me.
Almost every single thing on those lists – is me.
I have PostPartum Depression with anxiety issues.
I feel hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better. I feel weak and defective. I feel like a failure. I feel irritated or angry. I have little patience. Everything annoys me. I feel resentment towards my baby, and my partner, and my friends who don’t have babies. My thoughts are racing sometimes. I can’t quiet your mind enough to sleep. I can’t settle down. It takes me forever to relax. I am afraid that this is my new reality and that I’ve lost the “old me” forever. I am very much afraid that if I reach out for help people will judge me.
No way to escape it now….no matter how much I try.
But you know what? Its all good. I am going to talk to a therapist…and I am gonna be open and honest to everyone of my friends and family.
I will no longer fear the judging. Judge on if you want peoples. Judge on….just dont tell me nothing.
I wasn’t gonna link this blog to my facebook page, cause well…I have some friends from church who are friends with me on there. I didn’t want them to know.
Now…I still kinda don’t – but I wont be ashamed of who I am anymore.
I am a tired mama of two under two, who needs some help.
Sweet Lord….now if only I could hit the publish button.