Freedom, will it ever come?

August 29, 2011 § 1 Comment

Freedom.

Perfectly symbolized in the Shawshank Redemption.

Ya know that scene where Tim Robbins character finally breaks out of jail? Where he’s just standing in the creek/river/pond/thing during a rainstorm, letting the clean free rain just flow over him? Washing away the years of injustice he endured, he was finally free.

Yeah.

I want that.

I want to be free of this all encompassing sadness, free from this anxiety.

I will be free to be happy. I know this.

I know that day will come. I know I will be me again…but when?

Why can’t I just be me now? Especially when my kids … and my husband need me to be?

And why can’t people be more supportive in the meantime? They act like I want to be sad like this. I mean, of course I am choosing to be sad and freak out over stupid things – doesn’t everybody? Of course I have a choice but don’t shut me down when I am trying to talk things out! I am trying to reach out people!

I swear, if one more person says “well you can be happy, just stop dwelling in your sadness”….I’m a deck ’em.

I swear.

And if one more person says “you just need to pray more” … they are on my freakin list. Next to their name will be written NEXT.

I’m just saying… be patient with me people.

I will be free again! I will. Man…I wish I could have some chocolate right now.

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§ One Response to Freedom, will it ever come?

  • HealingMutti says:

    You will one day. I wish it happened over night. The only way people even slightly understood and stopped nagging me was when I wrote everything out in blog form. Every last vulnerable issue. They will never truly understand unless they go throught it themselves, but they will know.

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